Momo

As the days past, you (guys) mean less and less to me. And the saddest part is, I'm not even sure I'm bothered by that fact. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" never really applied to me....

Except maybe when 31 is concerned. After not speaking to/seeing that asshole for a few days after pissing me off, my anger has faded. Though I'm still torn between thinking 31 is a douchebag and finding him extremely adorable. Ah well, mini dilemmas such as this one shouldn't keep me awake at night. Only it's past midnight, and I'm still awake.

Time to say goodnight.

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The weather has been crazy hot these days. The sun is scorching and it isn't even the dry type of heat; it never is. It's humid and it makes you all sticky and sweaty within minutes of your bath and I HATE it. It's like bathing once is never enough but just bathing is a waste of time.
My conclusion? The earth is seeking its revenge on us Singaporeans. After putting up with all our shit, like chopping down all the trees etc etc, the earth has finally had enough, and we are going downnnnnn. Good luck to us. It'll be no surprise if we soon melt into nothing.

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Looks like I'm ill again. Back to not eating meat cause it doesn't agree with my stomach. SINCE WHEN DID I GET SO WEAK?! I used to have the immune systems of a frickin' bull okay, now I'm like a kid who falls sick because I "haven't been eating properly". I don't even know what that means.
It was really amusingly awkward at the doctor's, cause he had to check my tummy, just like the last time, only my doctor was female then but she's on leave now, and after I lay down on that stretcher/bed in his office, he thought I was gonna lift my shirt for him cause that's usually the procedure. But of course I wasn't planning on doing so cause he's a MAN. He then hurriedly told me I didn't have to lift up my shirt and I almost LOL-ed. Awkward situations really crack me up hehehehehehe
Because of my condition, I won't be working tomorrow, which has left me a little sad cause I really like work and I love everyone there. Ethan was a big sweetheart as usual, repeatedly asking me if I was alright cause I couldn't really stand at certain points of time. Who doesn't love a sensitive guy?! Not every male can tell when you lie and say you're alright.
On a more tragic note, Sasi handed in his resignation letter today, after not being at work for so long!!! I am heartbroken and will really miss him. :( he's probably one of the newest staff there but we click so well. Boohoo today definitely was a rather crappy day, now that I think about it.

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The last time I updated this site of mine was so long ago, I was still fretting about Uni applications. Right now, I'm already an NUS girl with nothing much to worry about. For now at least, while I'm still convinced that I can probably make a B- in my first year to qualify for a double major in my second. If all goes well, I'll get what I want. But why am I thinking about this now when it's more than a month till orientation even begins? What a waste of brain space.

Anyway, I'm pretty annoyed at SMU's response to my application, i.e. their rejection of my application. I mean, if NUS accepted me so quickly, I don't understand why SMU, a Uni nowhere near as established as NUS (though climbing up the ladder fast), has a problem with me, or my grades. People with crappier grades than mine got accepted. Jeez. I'm quite sure it's because I screwed up my interview. Maybe I'm just shy? Maybe I'm not comfortable sharing my views with people I don't know? And trust me, I'm not. I still don't think it's fair to judge someone based on that.

But why do I even bother ranting. Before I applied I already knew I wanted to be an FASS girl and now I'm one. I should just shut the hell up and stop being a whiny kid.

All that aside, it's been a week since I came back from my two week stay in Melbourne with my two besties and god, I really miss that place, the cool and dry (and sometimes mercilessly chilly) weather, the smart horse carriages, the Sunday flea at Camberwell, and all the fun and COMPLETE freedom that came with it. I miss how carefree we were back there, with work and our futures far from our minds. I miss how we would spontaneously go out for walks, among other things, and how our walks often took place at midnight, without someone warning us about the dangers of being out at night in a foreign city. We could do whatever we want, whenever we want, something that life at home, sadly, doesn't offer.

But one can't live in a dream forever, that's why I'm back in Singapore and back to working 5-6 days a week. Can't say I really mind though, cause work at the hotel is almost always a blast, what with great people to make the tough work so much more bearable. I must even say that the pervy china dudes, though disturbing, are pretty damn amusing.

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I love work because it makes me happy. Everyday there would be at least one incident that would trigger a chuckle the entire day cause it was just too amusing.
Today I "happened to" bump into Ethan at those trolleys where we unload all the plates that we've just cleared. It wasn't all that coincidental because our stations used the same trolley and both of us were clearing so I was bound to bump into him some time. So anyway, when I bumped into him there, he started exclaiming "it just happened! It just happened!" i was confused, and asked "what just happened...?" He decided that Chinese would probably work better so he said "qiao he". That meant "coincidence" and it dawned on me that he was trying to tell me that bumping into me was a coincidence! I almost laughed because that was the hilarious and also the cutest incident ever. Then I did him a favour by teaching him the word "coincidence".
I really love all these people.

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The worst feeling in the world is knowing what you want to do but not being able to do it. I feel so helpless. He is convinced that with a double major in psychology and communications & new media I wouldn't be able to get a job. I'm determined to just go ahead with it and prove him wrong, but what if, at the very end of the day, he's right?
He also constantly implies that I'm not good enough for anything other than people oriented jobs - service. I'm offended that he thinks I can never pursue anything in the media industry cause I'm not talented enough, not fluent or captivating in my writing. I like to write, and I hate people telling me I'm not good at what I like and hence should opt for the more practical option. I really hate that.
And because I'm so often put down, maybe not explicitly, but the insinuations are enough, I'm not daft, I get the hint, I lack confidence. He often asks me why I have so little confidence in myself. I haven't yet been able to tell him that it's him. It's all his fault that I'll never be confident and persuasive and blow people away with well delivered speeches. That's cant be me and that really sucks.
I just wish I would be happy. Maybe I wouldn't get to do what I want to do, but instead get convinced (or should I say forced) to take up business. I just hope I would enjoy it and not be miserable for 4 years. I really hope.

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I have never been this ill before. This period of one week has allowed me to experience many "firsts", and I don't mean that in a good way.
It has been my first time:
- Going an entire day without a meal. Usually missing one meal alone would give me gastric pains but not this time, I didn't feel ANY pang of hunger the entire day.
- Puking 12 times over 24 hours. I never ever vomit. The last time I did was probably when I was 9 and we were on the plane to Amsterdam. The plane ride was too long and my little body couldn't take it. Oh wait, hold on a sec, the last time I puked was last month, when I drank too much Gin & Tonic. My bad. But that doesn't count right?!
- Not eating meat for 3 whole days. I LOVE meat. On a normal day I would not be able to live without meat but right now, the thought of meat rotting in my weak stomach, not getting digested, just makes me sick.
- Losing about 5 kg in ONE day. One day!!! People have joked and said that has got to be the most successful dieting plan ever, because no one manages to lose 5 kilos in a week, let alone a day. it's all the vomiting. I named myself the involuntary bulimic.

Now I have so many food cravings cause I've been eating such bland, tasteless (but safe) food over the past few days and I just can't wait to get better so I can pig out on REAL food. I kinda don't wanna gain all that weight back though so there is gonna be a problem....

I also haven't been to work at the hotel for the entire week and I really miss it! I miss the lovely guests, meal times with the rest and most of all, my friends. I will only see them next week and I really hope I don't return to find out that everyone has left/will be leaving. That would be heartbreaking.

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When we were young, what troubled us most was whether the strawberry flavoured ice cream or the chocolate one would taste better. Then it evolved into having dinner out with your friends or going home for dinner and some family time. Right now, I expected to make a decision that could be life changing and I am at a loss as to how to move forward. I never knew picking a university would be so difficult. Okay, maybe I had a vague idea, but I never thought I would have so many options available to me. And now that I have done alright, I do have quite a variety to choose from. Maybe fewer options would have been better, a blessing in disguise, but why am I even wishing for such a thing.

I visited the SMU Open House earlier today and the first person I spoke to managed to successfully convince me, probably without even intending to but you never know, that SMU offered an experience that I wanted to be part of. First year social science students were expected to take up modules from each of the 3 social sciences - sociology, psychology and political science - before choosing their area of focus in their second year, a system I really like because we can never be sure of what we like until we actually try it right? And I definitely don't wanna pursue something I don't like.

But what I didn't like was how the school only offered double majors but not like a major along with a degree or a minor with a major so I could focus more on psychology than on business, because my main interest is psychology and business would just be an extra. I don't want to be equally qualified in both!!!! I want to specialise more in psychology but that isn't possible, I can't do like, 3/4 psych and 1/4 business, I have to do half of each and I'm not really comfortable with that, especially since I've never had any particular interest in business. Everyone knows its useful and SMU is known for their business but it's just never been my thing you know?

That is why I'm still considering NUS' FASS. How can anyone not be tempted by a faculty so established and offering such a variety of subjects?! I can do lit and linguistics there alongside psychology and even do modules in journalism and that would really be a dream come true.

But then I also have to weight the pros and cons, especially the location, for which SMU is, hands down, the winner, what with malls and so many other amenities surrounding the school, unlike NUS. :( My dad is also really pushing me to take up business even I have no interest in it whatsoever, even though it is useful, and that poses a problem. Should I do what's "best for me" or what I want?? Ugh this whole process is just so frustrating.

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When you like someone and he's attached, maybe you'll get lucky and be next on the list (however unappealing that sounds).
When you like someone and he's married, maybe the marriage won't last since there's no extra baggage.
But when you like someone and he's married with a kid, and a cute on at that, you let it go because cute kids should never be hurt.

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The last time I posted here was more than a month ago and I hate myself for that. Everyday as I work, before I go to bed or when I'm on the train, paragraphs get formulated in my head, paragraphs that I intend on reconstructing and touching up on right here but never do so because I'm either too tired, or too busy thinking of other things I could write about.

Now I've placed a lid of that area of my brain that keeps conjuring ideas and unlatched the one responsible for putting everything into words. And the right ones. The latch has gotten a bit rusty, definitely.

So the past month just zoomed past me and I really can't list out everything I've done other than work, because I worked so much. Juggling two jobs is not easy but I can't say it's difficult either, especially since I've gotten a hang of things. Having your own money flow in every once in a while is really satisfying and it makes all the lack of sleep somehow worth it(apart from the fact that my body is protesting now, inflicting me with illness). But I've never been that money-minded so experience is always first for me. That is why I enjoy waitressing at the hotel so much.

I think it's funny how I wanted to get out of the waitressing job at the very beginning. I never ran out of excuses: the pay isn't high enough, it's too far away... But soon the excuses started to run out because the more I worked, the more I loved the job - everything about it - and the less my initial complains mattered. Right now, I wouldn't even mind trading in my second job (which pays more and requires so much less energy) to work at the hotel more because waitressing, though tiring, seems so much more fulfilling.

It doesn't help that my second job is a one-man job. I'm not overly dependent on others, always needing someone there by my side. I'm independent and I don't mind being alone. But it's always nice to have someone there to talk to when you want to tell someone something and the hotel job offers that. All my fellow waiters and waitresses and even the stewards and the security guards are such an interesting and friendly bunch of people, making work a joy.

That said, it's only been a month since I started working and I have half a year ahead of me! Half a year of work sounds tough, and draining but I honestly wont mind the exhaustion. Money is always an incentive if everything else isn't!

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